


FEEL SOMETHING || euphoria

by ruebennetts



Category: Euphoria (TV 2019)
Genre: Double Life, Drug Addiction, Drug Dealing, Drug Use, F/F, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Friendship/Love, Inspired by Euphoria (TV 2019), LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Themes, Love Confessions, Skateboarding, Strangers to Lovers, indigo is a character on Betty on HBO!!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-17
Updated: 2020-08-25
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:47:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 16,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25324135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ruebennetts/pseuds/ruebennetts
Summary: "𝐈 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐚 𝐝𝐢𝐞, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐈 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐚 𝐥𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬"in which a drug dealer and a drug addict fall in love.or, in other words, in which Indigo Autry and Rue Bennett fall in love.
Relationships: Rue Bennett/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 28





	1. HUSTLE

**Author's Note:**

> extended summary:
> 
> Indigo Autry is a seventeen year old girl who seems to be perfect. Growing up in a strict household, she spends hours at the skate park and gets perfect grades. 
> 
> But, that was before she got sucked into the world of drugs, after dealing once for her close friend, Fezco. One day, while dealing at a party, she meets a girl named Rue Bennett. A drug addict, who enjoys getting high every second of the day. 
> 
> What happens when a drug dealer, who has to hide her second life, and a struggling drug addict fall in love?

It was a Friday evening and I was doing absolutely nothing, per usual. You would think by societies standards, as a seventeen year old girl, I should be partying, hanging out with my friends, and living that teenage experience that's glorified on TV.

But, no. Instead I was wasting my night watching Grey's Anatomy and Illegal Civ's videos on YouTube. 

I glance over at my board.

My mother hates that I skateboard. She tells me she hates it, because one day, I'm gonna fuck up and injure myself. That's what she says, but I can assure you that's not the real reason why. It's because it's considered a "boy" hobby and doesn't meet the girly-girl standard she has set out for me.

It doesn't matter to me what she thinks, though. She has a lot of opinions that I disagree with.

I press play on my video, when I get a text from Fezco. He's one of my really close friends who I've know since freshman year.

**Fezco O'Neill 7:23pm**  
_Yo Indigo_

**Indigo Autry 7:33pm**  
_yo fez_

**Fezco O'Neill 7:34pm**  
_I know ur probably broke asf_

**Indigo Autry 7:34pm**  
_indeed i am_

**Fezco O'Neill 7:35pm**  
_Swing by McKay's party 2nite and help me sell_

**Indigo Autry 7:35pm**  
_are u deadass???_

**Fezco O'Neill 7:36pm**  
_Deadass bruh I'll give u half of what u make_

Was he serious? It must be hella busy in order for him to hit me up. I sat up in my bed and started to consider all of the possible outcomes.

A, I sell drugs and I get caught. B, I sell drugs and I get paid. It was a 50/50 chance that I was willing to take. Plus, it's for Fez. He's like my brother, I'll consider it a favor.

**Indigo Autry 7:38pm**  
_deal. i'll meet u over there_

Pouring myself out of bed, I put on a bright peach crop top and biker shorts, paired with my favorite Jordan 11s. Jordan's were my weaknesses. I threw on a leopard print fanny pack and walked downstairs, to see my mother sitting on the couch.

"Indigo, where are you going all dressed up at this hour?!"

I raised my eyebrows. If anything, I was dressed down.

"I'm going to Fezco's house."

"What is he, your boyfriend?"

Right... about that. 

Remember when I said my mother has a lot of opinions I don't agree with?

Well... I've always been bisexual. _Always_. But, I grew up in a strict Christian household, where it's believed that a woman is supposed to fall in love and marry a man. 

I've always known that I wasn't completely straight. Like, last year; I dated Christopher McKay. (Ironically, I was headed to his party) It was absoutely terrible, we dated for almost four months, but I broke it off. The relationship itself wasn't bad, it just... didn't feel right to me.

But, it sucks because I knew that based on where I lived, my overly strict mother... that the idea of me having a girlfriend was just out of the picture. The people in our town are so judgemental, not that I care what they think. It just seemed unrealistic.

It's not like I can tell my overly religious mother that I was gay, unless I wanted to sleep on the street tonight.

I eventually will. _Eventually_.

"No, he isn't my boyfriend, Mom."

"Well, have fun, and don't be out too late."

I nodded my head, grabbed my skateboard and headed out the door.

That's the good thing about my mom, though. She trusts me, maybe a little too much. It's rare that I ever have to lie to her, but when I do, she doesn't suspect anything. I'm a straight-A student who spends hours a day at the skate park. How perfect could a child get?

I skated down the street, passing by all the suburban homes that all looked the exact same. I was kind of stressing out, because drugs... drugs are scary. Like how do I even sell it? Do I say, "Hi, would you like to buy some weed?" or "Can I interest you in a bag of cocaine?"

I'm going to make a fool out of myself.

* * *

"Yo, Indy! Over here!" Fezco yelled over the swarm of people laughing and dancing. I was right, the whole school was basically here. McKay always threw good parties, but it's been awkward ever since I broke up with him.

"Sup," He daps me up, "Soooo, what's my job?" I ask.

"Imma stick these in your fanny pack," He holds up two tiny bags filled with weed in it, he holds up the bag on the right, "This is a gram," He holds up the left, "This is an eighth."

My eyebrows raise, "...What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"It's the amount of weed in the bag. A gram is $15 and an eighth is $35, now _these_ ," He holds up some type of pen with liquid in it, "These are called dab pens. They sell really quick. It's THC in a vape pen, basically."

I made a confused face, "Like liquid weed?!"

Fezco was _totally_ judging my lack of drug knowledge, "I mean, yeah, sorta. These are $45."

"How do I get people to buy it?"

"I'll spread the word, you just have fun. This is the first time I've ever seen you at a party, bruh."

I laughed, "Yeah, my first party and you have me pushing drugs for you."

He unzipped my fanny pack and stuffed all of the prouducts in it.

"Yep. Off you go, kid."

I walked into the crowd and I looked around. I saw a bunch of kids in that were in my grade. I saw some kids I run into at the skate park.

"Indigo! Lemme get something!" Nate Jacobs called out to me. I hate Nate. He's a total douchebag. I see him around school with Maddy Perez, and they're always arguing. It's like I'm watching an episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians. They always got some shit going on.

"Give me a pen and an eighth," He chuckled, "Fezco has you selling his shit now, huh?" Nate asked as I pulled the stuff out of my fanny pack.

"$80, and yeah. Something like that."

He hands me the money and I hand him his stuff. Boom. That was so easy.

"Thanks. You look very pretty."

"Uh, thank you?"

He disappears into the crowd. Man, he makes me feel so uneasy. There's just something about him. As time passes, about more and more people come up to me, and it's the same way. It's like selling Girl Scout Cookies. They give you the money, you give them the goods.

It's a damn good hustle.

I walk towards the couches, wanting to sit down. I've been walking around for almost an hour and my legs felt like jello.

Then, I laid my eyes on someone. _A girl_. A girl who looked lonely.

She has tan skin, brown curly hair, and had a fucking amazing sense of style. She's wearing a crop top with burgundy pants with Dr. Martens. It was like came straight out of a coming of age movie.

I've lived here all my life, but never seen her before.

We made direct eye contact and I feel like I have to go over there, now.

"Hi, I saw you sitting by yourself. I'm Indigo."

She smiles back at me, and for a second I observe her. Not in a long, creepy, weird way. But, she was just... effortlessly gorgeous.

"Hi, I'm Rue."

"Are you new here? I-I've never seen you before," I ask, taking a seat next to her.

"No, but I kind of just stay to myself. I've never seen you..."

"I stay to myself."

Rue looks at me, squinting her brown eyes and smiling, again.

"Very suspicious, Indigo. What's in the fanny pack?"

_"Drugs."_

Rue bursts out into a laughter. She's totally stoned. I could tell, but she's so easy to talk to. Call me crazy, but I feel this instant connection.

"Oh, shit, you're serious?" She asks.

I pulled out what was left of what Fez gave me.

"Woah, I did not expect you to be a like, a dealer."

"No, I mean, I'm not, I'm just helping my friend Fezco out. He's kind of lazy and I'm broke... it works out perfectly."

Her face lights up, "You know Fez?"

"Yeah, he's like my best friend."

"Dude, I'm always at his store, bothering the hell out of him."

"Me, too!" Now, this was just scary. We're literally the same person. We don't make friends and we hang out with Fez. How am I just now meeting her?

"So, what are you doing after all of this..." Rue asks shrugging her shoulders.

"Home, I guess."

_"Can I come with you?_

I nod my head, "Sure. I have to get my money from Fez, but stay right here. Please, don't leave. I'll be right back," I run into the crowd and look back at her, "Right back!"

Rue gives a dopey smile.

"Fezco, what the fuck?!" I say to Fez, who's sitting by the pool.

"What's up?"

" _Rue!_ How have you never introduced me to her, man? She's like, my _dream_ girlfriend and I'm meeting her right now?!""

Fezco laughs, "Rue Rue? Bruh, she's not on this planet to make friends, she's here to smoke."

"Well, I need my money, because she just invited herself over to my house."

He raises his eyebrows, "Damn, since when did she get all bold and shit?" He counts the wad of cash I pulled out of my fanny pack. It was a lot of cash, I don't even know how much is there.

"Fez..." He looks at me and I give him a suspicious smile, "Is she... you know?"

"You a trip, bruh. Go find out, here," He hands me $900. My eyes widen so hard that they almost pop out of their sockets, "Wait, this is all mine?!"

He nods his head, "You made $1,800 tonight."

"No way!"

"It starts to add up and you don't even realize it." 

He had a point, he's selling multiples of $45, $35, and $15...

"Dude, I will literally do this for you, whenever you want. Just hit me up."

"Don't worry, I will. Go home with your girl."

I run back to Rue and thank God that she was still sitting there.

"Bro, I just made $900!" I yell to her, "Woah..."

"Let's get out of here!" She says, grabbing my hand and pulling me through the crowd. Her hand was clasped on mine and as soon as we got out of the door, I grabbed my skateboard I hid under the porch.

"You skate?" She asks.

"Yeah, I've been skating for almost ten years... Do you?"

Rue shakes her head, "Oh, I don't know about skating, cause I'm like, into chill shit."

"But, it is chill! It's so fun. Let me teach you."

She laughs, "I'm gonna fall!"

We run out into the road and I place my board down on the pavement. I signal for her to come over closer to me, so I can help her onto it.

"Indigo, I'm scared!"

"Here, put this foot right there," She places both her foot on the board, "Right there?" 

I nod my head, "Yep, then take your other foot and put in right here."

"Okay, hold me, though," Rue holds out her hands and I grab onto them, "Now spread your legs a little more and bend your knees."

"It feels weird! Am I doing this right?"

"Yeah! See? It's easy... now I'm gonna push you..."

"Oh, God."

I slowly begin to walk with her hands still gripped on mine, "No, no, no, holy shit!" She says as she begins to roll down the pavement, "I don't know if I can do this!"

"Yayyyy," I say as I continue to push her, anyways.

"I'm gonna let go, but just keep your balance!"

I let go and Rue skates down the empty road, "Oh shit, I'm doing it! I'm doing it!" I smile and run after her before she falls. Gripping her hands once again, the board stops and now, we were just holding hands and staring at each other.

"Hey, Indigo!" A voice calls out, I turn around to see McKay, calling my name. I groan, "I don't wanna talk to him, Rue, help..."

"Go, I'll be right here on your skateboard."

"What do you want, McKay?" 

"You pushing drugs at my party, I wanna buy some."

I let out a laugh, "Christopher McKay, the D1 football player, buying drugs? Damn... Whatchu need?"

"Indigo Autry, the goody two shoes, selling drugs? Don't even start with me. Give me two pens."

"Give me $80."

"I see you and Rue over there. Y'all dating or something?"

This is why I hated him. He's just so fucking annoying and up in everyone's goddamn business. 

I scoffed at him, "Why don't you just mind your own business?"

"Come on, Indigo. I know that's why you broke up with me."

"You don't know shit, McKay."

"You broke up with me because you're gay. Try to convince me otherwise."

I can't believe he was talking about this now. Like, right this second. We had all the time in the world to discuss our breakup, but he wants to bring it up, right as I'm trying to leave with Rue. I don't get why he feels the _need_ to talk about our past.

"I'm not gonna talk about this right now, McKay, you're fucking ridiculous."

"Be careful, Indy, she's an addict. Fresh outta rehab."

I quickly walk away from him, going back to Rue, who was sitting down on my skateboard and rolling herself down the pavement. 

"Hi... finally. Are you okay? It looks like that conversation didn't end well," Rue asks, frowning and handing me my board.

"Yeah, we're good. He can just be an asshole, sometimes. Let's go to my house."

* * *

We sneak into my house around 11:00pm, my mom was fast asleep. Tiptoeing up the creaking hardwood staircase, into my bedroom that was a complete mess. In all honesty, I loved the way my room looked. It was messy, covered in posters of Mac Miller and Frank Ocean. A baby blue comforter that felt like heaven's touch, and a moutain of pillows.

It was my safe space. The one place I can just be alone.

"Your room is so cute," Rue whispers.

"Thanks," I say, followed by a smile.

I kick off my shoes and get under the thick covers. It was freezing in my room, my mother loved to blast the AC up until I couldn't even feel my toes. Rue was awkwardly standing there, hovering over my bed.

"Here," I pull back the right side of the covers, patting it, "It's so cold in here," I add.

Rue unlaces her Dr. Martens, placing them on the side and getting under. I tucked the stray curl that was in her face, behind her ear. There was platonic sexual tension. A very good tension. The "I've never wanted to kiss someone so bad, but we literally just met," kind of tension.

"I've got an idea..." Rue says softly, "Wanna get high?"


	2. FIRST, THEY KISS.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> indigo's older brother is suspicious of her actions, and she finally has to tell the truth... rue also has as secret to share.

"I've got an idea... wanna get high?" Rue asks softly under the soft glow of the moonlight peeking through my window.

"Didn't you just get out of rehab?" I ask, tracing up and down her arm.

"Maybe... Maybe not..." Rue says, giving off an obviously _stoned_ smile, which totally distracted me from the problem. She's literally asking if I wanna do drugs, like _drug_ drugs. Real drugs, not like that liquid shit that Fez had me selling.

"This kinda doesn't sound like a good idea."

Nonetheless, she reaches down into her jacket pocket, pulling out two plastic baggies with miscellaneous pills in it. They were tiny, but I shouldn't doubt their potential.

"Fuck it?" She asks, shaking the round white pill out of the bag. Her face makes this expression that I just couldn't say no to, a pout took over, giving me those pleading eyes... I sigh and say, "Fuck it."

***

My eyes bolt awake, jumping slightly as I felt someone else's body next to mine. I can't remember anything from last night. All I remember was going to McKay's party and leaving... with _Rue._

I turn around to see Rue, who was basically passed out next to me. Her brown hair shined under the morning sunlight. She looks so peaceful, like she has no care in the world. Grabbing my phone, which was buried under her covers, I checked the time to see that it was surprisingly early. It was only 7:30am, which was a sign for me to go back to sleep.

I curled up back into the plush comforter and wrapped my arms around Rue. She shifts gently, taking my hand and interlocking it with hers. She was still fast asleep, but I laid there with my head on the pillowcase, trying to recollect what happened last night.

The massive headache I have is almost unbearable, mixed with the sense of feeling sort of disoriented. That's when I remembered. Rue convinced me to pop that stupid pill. The stupid, tiny white pill that we both had no idea what it was.

She crushed hers up, used a dollar bill to snort it, but that just seems absolutely fucking terrifying to me. The thought of powder traveling up your nose, that doesn't seem logical at all, nor does it even sound like fun. So, I just took it with some water.

Would I ever do it again? Not a fucking chance, but _hey_. It was worth the experience.

I close my eyes and finally fall back asleep.

***

"Rue, your phone is blowing up..." I say, softly shaking her awake. Her eyes flutter open, rubbing them to me watching her phone buzz over, over, and over again. Letting out a groan, she grabs her phone and slams her head back into her pillow, "Ughhhh."

"Who is it?" I ask, hoping that I wasn't prying.

"My mom. I kinda forgot to tell her that I was spending the night... Or leaving the house at all, even."

"Oh, damn. I was gonna say, my mom is probably making breakfast, you could stay."

"I would love to, but according to my mother, if I don't get my ass home in fifteen minutes, I'm grounded for the rest of my life."

I raise my eyebrows, "Rue, go! I don't want you to get in trouble, oh my gosh."

She giggles, "Okay, okay. You better text me, Indigo. I'll break your skateboard if you don't!"

"No, not the skateboard!" I laugh as she leans in to hug me, "Bye-bye, I'll see you later."

"Bye..." I say as I open my bedroom window and let her out.

I feel kind of shitty for not walking her downstairs, and even though I invited Rue to have breakfast with us, I was kind of relieved she had to leave. I wanted to spend more time with her, because, shit, I like her... but, my mom. My mom will see one person and assume things about them. She's super critical and judgmental about people, which is why I barely have friends over.

When I was dating McKay, I never invited him over. I didn't wanna hear my mother's opinions. But, knowing her and her stupid beliefs, as long as he was a boy, she would've approved.

I sighed.

I can't stop thinking about her and she literally left 15 minutes ago.

**Rue Bennett 9:57am  
** _hi indy i miss u already_

I basically manifested that text. Thank goodness, for some reason I had that overwhelming fear of her ghosting me.

**Indigo Autry 9:58am  
** _yooo miss u more. we need to hang again asap, that was rlly fun_

**Rue Bennett 9:58am  
** _maybe you'll see me at the skate park..._

**Indigo Autry 9:59am  
** _see u there in my dreams :(_

**Rue Bennett 10:00am  
** _oh geez i just got home. pray for me_

I sent a praying emoji and threw my phone on my bed.

"Indigo! It's ten in the morning, you better be up!" I hear my mother say from downstairs.

"I'm up!"

"Come down here and eat!"

I bury my head into the pillow, wanting to scream. I don't even know what's wrong with me. I just have a lot on my mind, and for some reason my conversation with McKay still lingered in my head. He just makes me so _fucking_ angry, he was being so mean about Rue last night, bringing up our breakup... Ugh.

As soon as I'm done being forced against my will to eat, I'm heading to the skate park. The only place that seems to clear my mind.

"Indigo Maree Autry, I'm not gonna ask you again!"

I vigorously bang my head into my pillow.

_"I'm coming!"_

***

"So, how was the party?" My mother asks, sitting across from me. I don't if it's just a thing that my family does, but we're forced to eat together every morning. It's painful, because we force ourselves to talk to each other.

"Yeah, Indigo, how was the party?" My brother mocks, raising his eyebrows at me.

Oh, right.

My brother, Andre. He's the epitome of stupid. Has no fucking brain cells. He's eighteen, a year older than I am. Which means, we basically share the same friends. Andre is friends with Nate, Maddy, Cassie, McKay... all of them.

Which means he probably saw me last night, and I'm totally screwed. It's not like he's gonna say anything to my mom, I just hate him knowing my business.

"It was fun, I guess. Dre, were you not there?" I scoffed at him. Just looking at my brother pisses me off for some reason. But, I guess every sibling relationship is like that.

"I was there, I saw you and-"

Before he could even finish that sentence, I intervened.

"I saw you and Maddy messing around last night," I laugh, "You know, If Nate were to see you, you're ass would be dead," I immediately blurt out, because I knew he was bound to bring up me and Rue.

"Indigo, _language_ ," My mom says as Andre laughs.

"Maddy deserves better than Nate," Andre goes on to explain, "She's like a goddess, you know? And man, would I love to just-"

"Andre! Please, have some manners," My mom butts yet again, and this time I let out a laugh.

"What, Dre, she deserves you?" I chuckle, picking around at the food on my plate, he beams me an annoyed look, "Yeah, she does. But, _you_ and-"

I kicked him underneath the dining table, "Andre, _please, stop_. _"_

My mom makes a curious face at me, "You and who, Indigo?"

"Her and Fezco, they're just, so weird. You know he's like, twenty-one?" Andre says, as I take the biggest breath of relief. That last part was unneccessary, though.

"I know. But, we've been friends for like, ever. It's not like we're dating, he's like my brother."

After a very awkward brunch, I get dressed, putting on my vans, sweatshirt, and beanie on; when I see my brother's shadow walk past my door. Heated, I open my door and call him in my room.

"Andre, what the _fuck_ was that out there?!" I scream at him. In all honesty, that made me so mad. I just don't know why every boy in my life feels the need to ruin it.

"What was what?"

"The thing! About me and-"

"That girl," He cuts me off, knowing that he's right.

"Yes, that girl... Why, what did you see?"

It's not like we did anything bad, I just wanna know if my older brother is _stalking_ me or some shit.

"I saw you guys dancing together, and outside, I went to go talk to McKay... Y'all were holding hands on your skateboard and shit..." His face changes drastically when he realizes.

"Yo, Indigo," Andre's voice lowers, "Are you _gay?"_

This wasn't the way I wanted to come out to him, let alone _anyone_. 

He basically ambushed me into it. It wasn't fair. I didn't know exactly how I imagined this conversation to go... it's not like I was planning to bake a cake with "I'm a lesbian!" on it, but I just know it wasn't like this.

"Please, _please_ , don't tell mom..."

"Wait, you are? Deadass?" He asks again, but definitely more seriously; As if he was _joking_ the first time.

"Yes, Andre... That's why I broke up with McKay. Please, don't say anything to anyone, I'll literally do your chores for the rest of your life, I'll-"

It's easily a touchy subject, for anyone, especially me with the household that I live in. If my mom ever finds out, she would disown me. Kick me out and force me to live somewhere else, if people at school find out (not that I give a single fuck about what they think), it's ultimately gonna lead back to my mother. Which terrifies me.

The next thing I know, I was starting to cry in front of him, which was one of the most embarrassing things ever.

"Hey... It's cool, Indy. Don't worry about it. That girl, do you like her?"

I smiled softly, "Yeah. Yeah, I do. Her name is Rue, we just met, but she spent the night last night."

"Bruh, I fucking knew I heard someone else in here. I thought I was just too high or something," Andre laughed. He was trying to lighten up the mood, but he sucked at it. I appreciated the effort, though.

I pulled my fanny pack out from under my bed and pulled out the stacks of cash to show Dre.

"Indigo, what the fuck?!"

I grinned, "Look, I made this last night at the party."

"Doing what?!" He exclaims.

"I was selling drugs."

"What kind?! Holy shit, dude."

"I don't remember it was like this liquid weed shit."

He immediately facepalms at that sentence, just like Fezco did. I'm still working on my drug knowledge, give me a break.

"It's not liquid weed. They're called dab pens, Indy. I bought one last night."

My face lit up, "Bruh, what?! From who and how much?! I need to know my competition."

"Nate, $50 and like, half of it was already gone cause he used it before."

"Bitch, you got scammed! I sold him that for $45."

"Damn, my own little sister..."

That was the first time in a long time that me and Andre bonded. Ever since my father's death, it kind of pulled us away from each other. I got more into skating, spent less time at home. Andre, he focused on working out and football training... But, this was a turning point. He was the first person I came out to, besides Fez.

***

I skated over to the park to meet up with Fezco, who was drinking a beer on the halfpipe. He saw me, so I decided to be a show-off and did a kickflip. He can't do any real tricks on his board, so I love rubbing it in his face that I'm better than him. He shook his head and I dapped him up.

"Sup, girl?" Fezco says, offering me a beer. Which I take, because, shit. I deserve it. It's been a long morning.

"I honestly could fling myself off of the tallest building ever right now," I say, popping the top off of the bottle.

"Shit, what's wrong?"

"I came out... to fucking _Andre_."

"Andre, like your brother?"

"Yeah... Out of everyone, it was fucking him. He saw me and Rue all up on each other last night, he was about to say something about it during breakfast, in front of my mother. God, I was so pissed."

"Damn, Indy. That's tough. How'd he take it?"

"He didn't really care, or like make a big deal about it. Told me he won't tell mom; Which is good, I guess," I take a big chug out of the glass bottle, the condensation dripping onto my thigh, "But, I'm scared it's gonna be weird between us, now. Like he's gonna treat me differently or something."

"I think it'll be fine."

"I'm just scared my mom is gonna find out. I don't know what I'm gonna do if that happens."

"Well, don't think about that. Your good, Indigo. Dre said he wasn't gonna tell, he keeps his word. He wouldn't rat on his own sister."

"Eh, I think he would. But, I think your right. He wouldn't do that, because otherwise, I tell Nate that he was messing around with Maddy last night."

Fezco laughs, "Dre better count his blessings if Nate found out. Nate's one dumb motherfucker, I swear."

"I know he is."

I flipped my fanny pack over and grabbed my dab pen out. Fezco looked at me with raised eyebrows, "What, you smoke now?" He laughs.

"I mean, no, not necessarily. But, you could say that I'm just a little stressed out," I take a hit, "And this is a good coping mechanism."

My phone dings, and I am _praying_ that it's from the person I want to see the most.

**Rue Bennett 12:32pm  
** _wya rn? i'm super bored and fez isn't at his store_

A huge smirk finds its way to my face and Fezco notices, "Who's that?"

**Indigo Autry 12:33pm  
** _skate park off of 49th street, i'm w fez. u should come_

**Rue Bennett 12:33pm  
** _omw. if only i had a skateboard._

**Rue Bennett 12:34pm  
** _i mean i have a bike but it's not the same, you know?_

**Indigo Autry 12:34pm  
** _yeah ik what you mean lolol just hurry i have a surprise for you_

"Fezco, do you have an extra skateboard?" I immediately ask after sending that text, he looks at my suspiciously... "Yeah, I got one in my car. You just gotta put it together, why?"

I squeal in excitement and Fezco looks at me like I'm on crack or something.

"Rue is coming here, and she wants a skateboard, so I'm gonna give her one."

"You mean, give her one of mine?"

"Dude, she doesn't have to know it's yours."

A few minutes later, Fez comes back with a brand new board, with the griptape and trucks sitting on top of it. Putting together skateboards is one of my favorite things to do. It's calming... sanding the griptape onto the wood, putting the bearings, trucks, and wheels on. I love it.

I grin and take the board, putting it in front of my so I can assemble it.

"You're fuckin' whipped over her, aren't you?"

I pout, putting my knees to my chest, "Pshhh, me? Nooo... Oh my god, she's right there!"

Rue beams up at Fezco and I and bikes over to us, "Sup fuckers?" She asks, dapping up Fezco and hugging me.

"Rue, close your eyes," I immediately say, even though she pretty much sees the unassembled skateboard in front of me. Nonetheless, she closes them.

I hold the board in front of her, "Okay, open."

Rue's face lights up, "Woah..." She takes it into her hands, "Look, I'm Indigo," She mocks, holding it up to her, "This is my skateboard. This is my purse."

We both laugh as she hands it back to me, saying thank you, so I can put it together for her.

"My mom has been on my ass for no reason."

"Why?" I ask.

"She thinks I'm doing drugs," Rue groans as she takes out her pen, takes a hit, and exhales. The smoke blowing away in the wind.

Fezco hands her a beer and chuckles, "But, you _are_ doing drugs," He laughs as Rue nudges him, "That's not the point, I just want her to trust me."

"Well, then maybe you should stop. At least stop the pills."

Rue chuckles, "You're funny, Fez. Very funny."

I butt in, "You know, I think that's something my mom has a problem with."

"What, not trusting you?" Rue asks, drawing a frowning face with her finger, using the condensation on the beer glass.

"No, trusting me too much."

"That's some bullshit, Indigo... When I was in high school, my grandma would never let me out of the house," Fezco says as Rue nods her head, "Yeah, seriously. I have to sneak out of my window and constantly lie. You should be glad."

"I know, but I kind of wish that she would care for me more. She's always at work, or worried about Andre. It's like, I could be dying, and she would be more concerned about what Dre is doing."

"I know what you mean. My mom _cherishes_ my little sister, Gia. Acts like I'm the fucking problem child, it gets annoying. She puts me on house arrest, but lets her go wherever she wants."

"That shit must suck. I gotta pick up Ashtray, but I'll catch y'all later," Fezco says, getting up. Rue laughs, "Pick him up from where? Elementary school?"

Fezco scoffs, "Bye Rue, bye Indigo."

"Bye," We both say in unison.

Rue looks over at me, "Hi, Indy."

"Hi, Rue."

"So, hows your day been?"

I groan, "Absolutely terrible. I was emotionally coerced into coming out to my brother. I've never come out to anyone besides Fez, and now you, but like. It was so weird, he was gonna bring you and me up at breakfast this morning... I panicked cause my mom is like, super religious and homophobic, and if she ever finds out-"

Rue says nothing, and instead gives me a big hug.

"It's okay, Indigo. If she can't accept you for who you are, then that's her loss. And Andre, you guys seem close. I don't think he would say anything..."

I shrug, "I know, it just sucks, man."

"My mom doesn't know, either," Rue says softly. My eyes light up. It wasn't of me to assume her sexuality, but let's just say I was really happy to hear that.

"Really?" I say out of first instinct.

"Yeah, I mean I would come out to her, but what the fuck am I supposed to say? Hey mom, guess what, I'm a lesbian?" Rue laughs.

"Dude, I was literally thinking the same thing. Like, if I ever was, do I bake a cake with pride colors or something? I just wouldn't even know how to say it."

There was that stupid platonic tension, again. That same tension we had in my bed. I was praying that maybe, just maybe, it would go somewhere. 

Rue looks into my eyes. Her big doe eyes staring into mine; she licks her lips softly.

Before I knewit, it was happening. Our lips connected and everything else seemed to have disappeared. Instinct took over, and Rue moved her hand around my waist...

We sort of _melted_ into the kiss, her arms dropping around her neck, her tongue running over my bottom lip. We were in the middle of the skate park, just making out with each other; There was absolutely no problem with it, either. My feet were dangling off the ramp, her hands were wrapped around my waist... It was perfect.

After a few minutes, we both stopped, just looking into each other's eyes again. Nothing else seemed to matter. Just the two of us, slightly breathless after just a simple first kiss.

"That just happened," I said, smiling like an idiot at Rue, who was doing the same thing, "Yeah, it did."

There's a lot of questions I wanna ask her, like does this make us more than what we thought we were? Does this change everything? But, instead of asking any of that, I kissed her again.

I wanted this moment to last _forever_.


	3. SKIN

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> indigo and rue decide to make it official.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a lil smutty smut but nothing to bad ;)

A few weeks pass after we had our first kiss. Over that time, Rue and I just got even closer. Every day she meets me at the skate park, she'll sit on her board and watch me for hours, not complaining because she's so invested in what tricks I'm doing... We go to Fezco's shop for a bit, hang out with him, smoke some weed until sunset, and then do it all again the next day.

It's absolutely perfect.

"So, you and that girl, Rue? What's up with that?" Andre asked me as I reached up to grab the Captain Crunch. I scoffed at him, I tell him one thing and now he thinks he has the right to know _everything_ going on in my life.

"I mean, we're chillin. I bought her a skateboard a few weeks ago, but I don't think she has any interest in learning tricks. She's scared," I say, dumping half the bag of cereal in a bowl.

"Do you like her?"

"Why are you so invested in my life all of the sudden?" I ask, sitting down across from him.

"Believe it or not, I miss when we were close," Andre says, casting that sudden urge of guilt over me. When he puts it like _that_ , I just feel like a total asshole.

"Sorry. I know, I miss it, too. But, yeah. I like her," I lower my voice, "We kissed..."

"Damn, for real?!"

"Shh! And yes, for real. We were chilling at the skate park and I don't know, it just happened. It's like it was meant to be, and I've only known her for like a month, but I really _really_ like her."

"So, tell her."

"It isn't that easy," I squint at him. It's easy for him to say, because he's been with almost every girl in our school. My brother is a whore, and I say that with my whole chest. His way of "telling" people is different then the way _I_ tell people. My way, is that it actually _means_ something.

"Whenever I like a girl, I slide on them as soon as I catch feelings."

See what I mean? He doesn't even get to know them before he's sliding in her DMs.

"I'm not gonna rush anything."

"Or you could do that, too."

I got an idea, "Should I invite her over for dinner? I don't want Rue to think mom is some big homophobe."

"Bruh, I hate to burst your bubble, but she kinda is."

"Yeah, but I don't want Rue to think that. _Duh."_

***

Rue meets up with me at the skate park a few hours later, she sees me do an inward heelflip and claps for me like she's my own personal audience. I'm kind of nervous to invite her over, it's just something I never do. _I'm_ usually the one getting invited.

I sit my board and roll towards her.

"Hey, Rue..."

She smirks at me, "Hey, Indy..."

"Do you wanna like, come over for dinner tonight?" I look down, "I can't promise it'll be the most fun thing, but I really want you to meet my mom."

"Yeah, of course. I'd love to," Rue says, taking a hit of her dab pen, "I wanna meet your mom and the annoying brother you always talk about."

"Dre? Bleh. He knows who you are, though."

"Okay, here's a deal. I'll go to dinner at your house, if you come to dinner at mine. My mom, she's been asking about you... wants to meet you."

Was Rue telling her mom about me? Something about that made my heart flutter. Rue is that kind of person who's pretty closed off about her personal life, so hearing that tiny sentence gave me total butterflies.

"Rue, are you talking to your mama about me?"

She looks down shyly, "No..." 

I grin at her, "You sureeee about that?"

"Shut up..." Rue's face quickly turns a deep shade of red and she knows it, she covers her face and curls her knees to her chest, smiling.

"Come here," I say, wrapping my arms around her. She takes her hands and pulls me closer...

***

"Hi, I'm Rue Bennett," My mom looked at her, smiled, and shook her hand, "Nice to meet you, Rue. I'm Jeanne. It's very nice to meet you," Rue smiles and sits down at the dinner table.

"I'm Andre, people call me Dre, though," My brother says as I scoff, "No one calls you that."

" _You_ call me that," He mocks. I roll my eyes. 

" _So_ , Rue, what are you interested in?"

I groan, wanting to bang my head against the table. My mother was now prying into her life, which I would hate if I was Rue.

"I'm really into writing. Like, poetry and stuff. But, I really try to focus on school," Rue lies as I grin at her. 

I know her real answer would be, "I'm into drugs, skipping class, and stealing things off the shelf at the local Rite Aid," or something. I know this is probably weird, but, that's what I liked about her. She was willing to lie to make my mom like her. It's very much appreciated on my end.

"Oh, how nice. How come I've never heard of you before?"

The steak knife would look pretty nice in my heart right now. This was so awkward, not Rue, but my mom is asking the most _annoying_ and pointless questions, like it was an interrogation.

I butt in, to spare Rue from that terrible question, "Uh, I mean, we just became friends a few weeks ago, at the party. We hang out a lot."

"She taught me how to skateboard, it was really fun," Rue chimed in.

"Oh, yeah. Indigo never lets that board out of her sight..."

Andre looks over at me, as I look over to Rue, and Rue looks at the both of us. It was safe to say none of us wanted to be at that table right now. It was just weird, but at least we got the main thing out of the way-- My mother met Rue, which means she can come over now and go out the front door.

***

After a _weird_ dinner, Rue and I went upstairs to my bedroom... 

It's like, as soon as that door shut and we were all alone, the entire vibe just changed. We gave each other that look. There was so much tension, you could slice it with a knife. Her brown eyes gazed into mine, and before I knew it, her lips were on mine.

The touch of her fingers on my cheeks while she pressed her lips against my own was overwhelming. It felt like I was going to burst. The love, the pleasure it was all too much. It was always too much with her. But, a good much.

My hands were lost in her curls, pulling on it gently as I pushed her towards my bed. The moment was heated, passion filled the room. She tumbled on to the bed, my legs straddling her body as the kissed deepened. Noses brushing, teeth clashing, tongues wrestling. I swear I could live this like forever.

We both knew where this was going.

"I've never done this before," her voice was quiet. Too quiet that if the room wasn't in utter _peace_ , I wouldn't have heard her. It was okay that she's never done this before, because I haven't either.

I've only ever hooked up with McKay... and how different could it be?

Rue, on the other hand, has never hooked up with anyone. Never with a girl or boy. The most she's done was gave a few blowjobs in ninth and tenth grade, which she says she _one_ , she was emotionally coerced to, which sounds _terrible_.

But, nothing intimate.

We're both new to this, and I let her know that, _"Me either,"_ I whisper back.

"Just," I gulped licking my lips grabbing her hands. I guided her hands to the side of my thighs, "Feel me, that's all," I let her hands rest on your thighs. Letting her explore, letting her try something she never had tried before.

She gulped, licking her lips letting her fingers dig into my skin. She watched as I was looking down at her. My hands, resting on her shoulders as hers roamed my body.

Rue _was_ curious... her hands glided behind my thighs slowly rising up to my ass until she was cupping it.

Her fingers were fire, I could feel every touch.

Her hands continued to roam the surface; fingers digging into my skin as she gave my ass a firm squeeze. Her index fingers skimmed under my shirt, brushing against my exposed skin.

She glanced at me for confirmation and I nodded my head, letting her hands move under my shirt. The feeling of her bare hands on my skin made me want to melt. Her hands came around to my belly, her thumb dipping as she continued moving upward.

A small gasp escaped her lips when she felt the bottom of my breasts, because I wasn't wearing a bra.

Did I purposely do that? No, but I'm glad I did.

She allowed her hands to cup my breasts and a soft moan escaped my lips... The feeling of her skin touching mine was unbearable. Her touch was like matches, sending fire throughout my whole body and all I craved was more.

I wanted so badly to make her feel the same way, but I wanted her to explore a bit longer. Encourage her to grow comfortable. But, I couldn't take it much longer. I wanted to touch her. All of her. I wanted to make her feel good. 

My hands traveled to her face, resting on her jaw. I turned her face up to look at me. Her lips were parted and inviting.

I lowered my body enough to feel the heat radiating from her lips. Her _puckered_ lips, which were practically calling my name. My thumb brushed against her skin before meeting her lips in a tender kiss.

Her hands went up to my head, wrapping around my neck.

Rue's lips were _delicate_. _Intoxicating._

My hands began to take her shorts off, and I looked at her, when I said, "We don't have to."

I don't want to pressure her into something she didn't want to do.

"I want to, please," She mumbles, tugging the waistband of her boy shorts down.

I could feel her heart beating out of her chest.

"I-I've never-" She started saying as I continued to pull off her underwear.

"Don't worry, I'll make you feel good," I say _softly_ planting a kiss on her inner thigh.

I turned the music up, Solange was playing as a cover up.

I would be lying if I said I'd never imagined her in this position.

Her hands fisting the sheets. Toes curling as I rotated my tongue on her clit. Her chest rising from the bed inhaling sharply. Her hand holding my head in place.

"Oh, god... Oh my-"

She was _quivering_ , my arms wrapped under her thighs. My tongue was relentless bringing her close to the edge. The silent whimpers coming out of her body, the way she twitched, told me she was close.

But, I didn't want her to be done so quick, so I pulled away. My nose brushed against her thigh and I heard her gasp.

"Why'd you stop?" She managed to ask lifting her head with the _last_ ounce of energy she had. She watched me kiss her inner thigh, your eyes shifting to look at her; lips still planted on her skin.

She shifted her hips, wanting me to continue. I was, but I wanted to edge her a _little_ longer. I want to make her feel all sorts of things.

"Trust me, it's worth it," I hummed against her thigh.

Rue's eyes _rolled_ to the back of her head when she felt my finger brush up against her.

We were burning. The flames spread through us like a wildfire as my name seeped through her lips like sweet honey.

***

"I hate the fact that we could've done that a long time ago," Rue says, out of breath. I nod my head, "Yeah, I was thinking that, too."

"Was that your first time... with a girl?"

"With a girl, and let me just say, it is _so_ much better," I laugh. I mean I wasn't lying. In my opinion, sex with a man just isn't enjoyable. I can't really put my finger on _why_ , it just doesn't feel right to me.

It's silent for a moment, but it's a good silence. A loud silence, we both wanna say things that we're too afraid to say. It was like we were just waiting for one of us to say the words we were dying to hear.

"Do you... wanna make things, you know, o-official?" Rue asked softly, looking down in fear that I would say no.

I decided to egg her on a bit, "Are you asking me to be your girlfriend?" I smirk at her and her face turns the deepest shade of pink; She nods her head slowly.

"I would love to."

We kiss once again, tangling underneath the covers to the sound of Clairo playing softly in the background.

It was official, Rue Bennett is finally my girlfriend.


	4. TROUBLE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> rue takes fentanyl and her and indigo have their first argument.

**Fezco O'Neill 11:43am**   
_Indy we got a problem.._ _._

My eyes widen as I read his text. We as in _him and I_ have a problem? Or we as in _we_ have a problem with someone else?

I immediately texted back.

**Indigo Autry 11:43am**   
_what's wrong????_

**Fezco O'Neill 11:44am**  
 _Rue. She just took_ _fentanyl... That shit can kill you if you take too much._

**Indigo Autry 11:45am**   
_what the fuck is she still there???_

**Fezco O'Neill 11:45am**   
_Yeah I'll keep her here til u come. Hurry. She's out of it._

I let out the biggest groan out of frustration. I'm fine if Rue smokes weed, but her pills and _now_ fentanyl? That shit isn't okay. That's the kind of drugs that people OD on.

Weed, you take too much, you green out. It sucks, but it's not gonna kill you. Hard drugs, like pills and fentanyl, you take too much, and you can OD. Which ultimately results in death.

I don't want her doing it anymore, and I know it may not seem like my place to have control over what she does, but I fucking care about her. I don't want to lose her to that shit.

Putting on a sweatshirt and my fanny pack, I immediately grab my skateboard and head over to Fezco's store.

***

"Where is she?" I say as soon as I see Fezco. He looks really stressed out, and for a guy that smokes weed every second of the day, I could tell this was some serious shit.

"You gotta talk to her, Indigo. I'm serious, her whole drug shit got me feeling uneasy."

"Yeah, it's making me feel that way, too. I-Is she okay?"

"She's hella out of it, she's on the couch in the back with Ashtray."

"Thank you, Fez. I'll talk to her when she's sober. For now, I just want her safe."

This is what I was scared of. She fucks around with all these hardcore drugs, without thinking of the consequences. She thinks that they're calming and that they're fun, when really, they're killing her.

Rue was sprawled out on the patterned couch, being babysat by a literal baby, Ashtray.

"She tried fentanyl and took too much," Ashtray tells me, frowning, "Some scary shit, bruh. We told her not to take it."

"It's fine, I'll handle it," I say as he nods his head. I sit down, plopping her legs over my thighs, "Rue... Rue, can you hear me?" I ask.

She groans, "Indy? Is that, is that you?" Rue chuckles, her eyes barely open. It was like she wasn't even awake. Like it was someone else talking.

"I loveeeeee you..."

"Yeah, yeah it's me. What did you do?"

"I-I didn't do anything... I'm just, I'm just so happy..." She mumbles softly, "I feel like the whole world is spinning..."

She closes her eyes again.

I couldn't just have her wait her high out in the stockroom of Fez's store.

I called him over, "Can you drive her to my house? I'll just have her lay in my bed. How long does it take to wear off?"

"She should be cool in a few hours, maybe. It varies. This is why I don't fuck with that shit, man."

Fezco hooks his arms around her shoulders as I grab her ankles, we carry her basically unconscious body to his truck. This was like my worst nightmare.

***

Thank goodness my mother was at work. How would I explain that my unconscious girlfriend had to wait out her high here?

It was I have a terrible headache, and all I need is a nap.

We pull into my driveway, I tell Fez to honk the horn so Andre could help carry her up with me. I didn't want Fezco to be away from his store for too long. I know Ashtray is like his ride or die, but he's literally 12. He can't watch over a store.

"Yo, what the fuck happened?!" Andre exclaims as he sees Rue passed out in the backseat.

"Can you help me carry her to my room? She's high on fentanyl."

"Fentanyl?! Goddamn!"

I scoff at him, "Dre, just fucking help me!"

I say thank you to Fezco once again and we get Rue in my bed safely.

"You forgot to mention your _girlfriend_ is a drug addict," Andre says before he goes back into his bedroom. I don't know what his fucking problem was. Sorry, I interrupted his video game playing, I think my girlfriend is more important that 2K20 basketball game.

"I'm gonna talk to her about it."

"Kinda funny how you're a dealer and she's an addict."

"It's not funny, it sucks. It makes this five times harder. It's my only way of making money, but it's just making her do it even more."

"That sucks for you, bruh."

"Yeah, thanks. I'm aware."

I go back to my room, getting under the covers with Rue. I cuddle her, making her feel safe because I know that's all she wants. To feel safe, loved, _happy_...

About four hours later, Rue wakes up. Disoriented and confused, which was expected.

"Indigo?" She says softly, rolling over to face me, "How did, how did I get here? What happened?"

I rubbed my eyes, "Fezco said you took fentanyl. He called me and we took you to my house."

"Oh... right. I just wanted to try it."

"Why, Rue? Why do you have to scare me like that?" My voice cracked, when a little bit high pitched. I was terrified, thinking that maybe, she wouldn't wake up. That maybe the fentanyl she took was laced and it would kill her.

"I didn't mean to scare you. I, I just had it, and took it... I'm sorry."

"I'm not _kidding_ , Rue. I'm not trying to be in a relationship with someone who's gonna fucking kill themself."

"I know. I didn't mean to do this."

I sniffle, a small tear runs down my cheek, "I've been through, enough traumatic shit in my life that I don't, I can't like, do this if--"

"I get it. I get it, Indy..." Rue says, wrapping her arms around me and nuzzling her face into my neck.

"I don't want to be with you if you don't stop using drugs."

"It won't happen again, I mean it. I know. I'll stop. I promise..." I nod my head and hold her hands. I don't necessarily believe her, I really don't, but I hope to God she keeps her word, because I can't afford to lose _another_ person that I love.

"I just need you to do me a favor. You're not gonna like it."

The next thing I know, I'm peeing into a Tylenol bottle, so Rue can pass her drug test that her mother was bound to give her. I have every right to be pissed at her, but I just can't be.

I love her too much, and maybe that's a bad thing.

***

A few days pass, and Rue is back at my house. It's been about a week and our little conversation had blown over. She made me a promise that she would try to stop using, and I as much as I want to trust her on it, believe her, I can't.

I know it's easier said than done for addicts, but it's different if they _aren't even trying._

Rue left her backpack unzipped, and I saw an orange bottle in it. My heart sinks to the pit of my stomach, out of anger and sadness, I couldn't contain myself, "Rue, what the fuck is this?!" I yell, holding up the bottle of Oxycontin.

"Why did you through my stuff?!"

"I didn't, Rue. You left it open and I saw sticking out!"

"They're just pills, it's fine."

"Rue, it's not fine! You promised me... You said you would stop," I could feel the tears prickling up in my eyes, I don't know why I was crying. I'm frustrated, irritated, mad, feeling every bad emotion there was.

"Indigo, do you realize you're _literally_ a drug dealer? It's kind of hypocritical to tell me to stop, when selling drugs is your only way of making money."

"It's hypocritical?! Rue, I don't _do_ them! I just sell them, and believe it or not, there's a big difference."

"Is there?"

"Yes! Selling drugs won't _kill_ me."

Rue gets up and grabs her stuff. There was like a fire brewing inside me, and she was just fueling it more.

"Where are going?" I ask, as she heads towards the door, "Rue, come back! We can talk this out!"

"I think I should just go home," She says in the most sad tone of voice I've ever heard. Why was I feeling bad for her? She brought this upon herself, yet I'm the one feeling bad, now.

Before I could even say anything, she was gone. I curled up underneath my comforter and sobbed. Why does she need drugs to feel happy? Why can't she just quit? There are so many people in her life that love her, yet she still feels like she's all alone in this world.

Rue was the one person in my life that made it worth living, and she just walked out on me. What if she never comes back? Blocks my number? Cuts me out forever? I know I shouldn't be so focused on the negative things, but there's honestly nothing positive about this situation.

**Rue Bennett 7:32pm**   
_Indy I'm sorry can we pls talk?_

I don't see the message because I was too busy feeling like an asshole.

I was startled by the sudden knock on my room, and for just one second I thought maybe, just maybe, it was Rue, until I heard, "Yo, Indy, you good? I can hear you crying from my room."

The deep and fucking annoying voice of Andre.

"Can I come in?"

"Go away, Dre!" I yell.

He comes in anyways, and sees me under my blankets with my AirPods in, sobbing.

"What's the matter?"

I know he's trying to be a better brother. He's always been kind of shitty to me after my dad's passing, which I don't blame him for, but now he's trying to be more involved.

"Rue's mad at me..."

"Why?"

"I yelled at her because I found drugs in her backpack, when she told me she would quit after her fentanyl situation!" I turned over, burying my head into my satin pillowcase, staining it with the blue mascara I was wearing.

"You have every right to be mad at her."

"I know! But, what if she's never gonna talk to me again? What if she thinks I hate her?!"

"Indigo, breathe. I know you don't want to hear this, but it's her fault, not yours. She made the choice to do drugs and she's paying the price. You shouldn't feel bad," Andre explains; That's what I basically said to myself earlier.

"I just can't be mad her, bruh. She's so delicate and I'm afraid I'm just gonna break her. I fucking love her too much."

"If you love her, then you did the right thing by getting mad. You want her to stop, right?" He asks as I nod my head, "Then she needs to realize that what she's doing is hurting the people that love her."

That was really deep coming from Dre. A little _too_ deep.

I chuckled, "Are you high right now?"

"A little bit, but believe me. I know what the fuck I'm talking about."

I laughed, surprisingly he cheered me up a little bit.

"Thank you, Dre. For being there lately. For when I came out, the Rue thing, and now... Sorry I'm such an asshole all the time."

"It's cool. I know dad wouldn't want us to fight all the time..."

"I miss him," I sigh, making me cry more.

I lost my father in 2017, in a car accident. It was late at night, like 11:00, he was coming home from work, when a drunk driver from the opposite lane collided into him at 85 miles per hour. It was a head-on collision. I was fourteen at the time; I was on FaceTime with Cassie, my old best friend, when my mother came storming into our rooms...

I will never forget the sound of her cries.

I refused to believe it. I couldn't accept the fact that he was gone. That I would never see his face again, never tell him that I loved him. Especially for Andre, they were so close. He was so invested in Andre's football career, would always practice with him... and for me? He taught me how to skate when I was seven years old. That's why I love skateboarding so much-- It's the one tie I still have to my father.

"Yeah, I miss him, too. Just give Rue some space, she'll come back around. Don't stress over it."

***

**Christopher McKay 11:23pm**   
_Indigo_

Just when I thought my life couldn't go anymore downhill, I get a text from McKay. What could he possibly want?

**Indigo Autry 11:25pm**   
_what_

**Christopher McKay 11:25pm**   
_Do you still have xannies? Nate wants some_

**Indigo Autry 11:26pm**   
_... okay so why doesn't nate just text me?_

That sounded pretty cunty, I know. But, in retrospect, I'm not doing so well and I'm really frustrated.

**Christopher McKay 11:27pm**   
_He doesn't have ur number._

**Indigo Autry 11:28pm**   
_oh. i mean yeah i have. how much does he want_

**Christopher McKay 11:28pm**   
_3 bars. Can I meet u @ the skate park tmr to get them?_

**Indigo Autry 11:29pm**   
_i guess, be there at 12. tell him it's $18_

**Christopher McKay 11:29pm**   
_Sorry for bothering u_

I groaned deeply into my pillowcase. So, not only am I in a fight with my girlfriend, but tomorrow I have to meet up with my ex-boyfriend. Someone save me from this nightmare, _please_.

***

I was in the middle of skating when I spotted McKay get out of his truck. I always hated that absurd truck of his. Big and attention-drawing. Everything about men just bothers me nowadays.

"Do a kickflip!" He shouts from across the park. I'm so embarrassed that I even agreed to meet him at all. I made that pact with myself to never speak to him again, but he was giving me money, so I guess it was an exception.

"No," I say dryly, wanting to do the deal and go.

I pull out a small plastic bag with three white Xanax bars in them, handing them to him as he hands me a $20 bill.

"Keep the change," He says, chuckling.

"Thanks."

I start to skate away, when he calls my name. My eyes roll to the very back of my head, but I turn around and ask, "What?"

"Why aren't we friends anymore?"

Does this boy not get the hint? I don't want to be his friend! I was avoiding him for a reason. He's just an asshole who uses girls for sex and then kicks them to the curb, and even if I was straight, it's not like I would ever go back to his sorry ass.

"I don't know. We drifted, that's all," I say, continuing to skate away.

"Indigo!" He calls for the second time. I whip back around and yell, "What?!"

_"I miss you."_

I start to laugh, "Okay? Cool."

"Come on! Just give me a second chance."

"No, thank you."

He starts to walk closer to me... has the audacity to _grab_ for my hand as I viciously pull it away, "McKay, what the fuck?"

"Indigo, please, I like you! Remember all the fun we used to have?"

No, I don't. He was either complaining about his teammates, complaining about practice, complaining about what an asshole my brother was, it was just one suffocating, endless loop with him.

"McKay, I'm sorry. I don't want to be in a relationship right now," I lied.

But, then I saw something, _someone_ , skating up behind him. My eyes almost burst out of their sockets. It was her.

"What are you looking at?" McKay asks as soon as Rue skates past him, towards me. She learned how to push herself on a skateboard. I don't know why that makes me so happy, but it does. I was just happy to even see her face.

"Rue... I'm so fucking sorry, I—" I yelled.

I was cut off by Rue's delicate lips crashing into mine. My hands flew towards her, cupping her face. Shock was written all over my face as I watched her take control.

She's kissing me, in front of my ex-boyfriend, if that's not a power move, then I don't know what is.


	5. SOCIAL CUES

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rue and Indigo are now a public couple at school, and well, their first day doesn’t go as planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter name was inspired by “social cues” by cage the elephant. it’s really good!

"So, that's why you don't wanna be in a relationship," McKay says, look at me, then at Rue, then back at me again.

"Yes, obviously."

"So, what? You guys a thing now?"

Rue chuckles, "I stole your girl."

"Rue!" I laugh, nudging her. McKay scoffs at me, "I'll see you 'round, Indy."

I wanted to just tell him to stop calling me that, but I really just wanted him to go away so I can hear Rue's _apology_. Cause she better have one.

McKay walks back to his truck and I give a stern look at Rue, "So, what's up?" I ask, and it's like a switch flipped in her... It was like she put on this strong front in front of McKay, but as soon as it was just us, something in her changed. She turned back to that fragile and soft girl she's always been.

"Indy, listen. I-I don't want to fight with you."

I could hear the pain in her voice.

"I don't want to fight with you, either."

She pulls me over to the side, away from all the people in the park, and breaks down.

"It's just, every time try to quit, every time I try to do that, I find myself relapsing," Her voice breaks, "You can say I'm being selfish, you know? That I should just stay clean. It just hurts my heart too much to see you cry, and I feel like a total asshole, and I wanna be clean for you, it's just so hard, and--"

"I'm not mad at you, Rue. I just want you to be safe, everyone wants you to be safe..." I sigh, "I just, I don't ever wanna lose you to that shit."

"You're the best thing that's happened to me in a really long time, and I just I-I just don't want anything bad to happen between us, so, just, please don't be mad, I'm trying," She starts to almost hyperventilate, and it's breaking my heart seeing her relentlessly sobbing, "You make me so happy, my days get so much better when I see your face, and seeing you so disappointed in me breaks, it breaks my heart..."

"Hey, I get it. I don't expect it to happen overnight, okay? It's okay, I love you, Rue Rue. I really do."

"I love you, too."

"You're a mess, you know that?" I say, tucking the stray piece of hair behind her ear and pressing her back against the gate, "So are you."

"I hate everyone else in the world but you..."

She places a kiss on my lips.

"Wanna go grab something to eat?" I ask as she nods her head, resting her head on my shoulder.

"I would like that."

***

"So, school starts tomorrow. How are you feeling about it?" I ask Rue, as we sat in the booth of our local diner.

"Scared... I don't know why," She says, curling her knees to her chest, "How about you?"

"I don't know. I just hate school in general, but at least we have classes together."

"I would've cried if we didn't," Rue chuckles, "Ew, isn't McKay gonna be in classes with us?"

"Yeah, but he can go fuck himself. Before you came over to us, he was all like 'Yo, Indy... I miss you,' Like, gross, I broke up with you for a reason."

"Why did you break up with him? If you don't mind me asking..."

I chuckle, "I realized that I was like, 100% gay. It's something I've known for the longest time... I think I just had trouble admitting it to myself. I think I just used McKay to try to convince myself that I wasn't, and in return, he just used me for, you know, sex. I finally had to break it off because I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't keep identifying as something I wasn't, you know?"

"I know what you mean. I told myself I was bi for a good part of my life and realized that I had absolutely no interest in boys... that I just found myself liking girls. It's scary, and I don't really like labels, but it's like, you just know. You get that feeling. I don't know how to explain it."

I giggled, "No, I know what you mean, too. I felt a lot better once I broke up with him. I felt like I was finally myself."

"Yeah, me too. Did you tell him the truth?"

"I mean, no. I just said things weren't working out with us, and left. I'm not out yet, you know, at school and shit. You and Fez, and now Dre, I guess, are the only ones. Oh, and the people at the skate park who saw us kiss."

"I'm not out either, but I feel like you can just look at me and tell. I don't try to hide it," She laughs softly.

"Tomorrow's gonna be fun," I say, "Cause you'll have me. Right by your side."

"I'll have you," She smiles, placing a kiss on my cheek.

***

My 5:45am alarm abruptly wakes me up and I realize, it was the day I've been dreading. The first day of school. A lot has changed over the summer, I broke up with my boyfriend, got a girlfriend, and now I push drugs.

It's like I'm a whole new person, and I'm okay with that.

I slip on an outfit I picked out fifteen minutes ago. Cargo pants and a tank top, also known as my go-to outfit.

**Indigo Autry 6:44am**   
_meet at the front?_

**Rue Bennett 6:45am**   
_yeah sure. i'm barely awake man_

**Indigo Autry 6:45am**   
_me too_

I walk downstairs to see my mom making breakfast, I wish she would just stay in bed like normal parents do; but, instead, she insists on taking "first day of school" photos, and sending us off like she always has.

"Good morning, Indigo," My mother says, handing me a plate filled with pancakes and bacon.

I sigh, "Morning."

"Sit down and eat with your brother."

Why? Why. Seriously, I have places to be. Like, meeting up with Rue and stopping by Fezco's to get a Red Bull.

"Do I have to?" I ask, which I immediately regretted because she's gonna give me a whole spiel about how she woke up early to make us breakfast and-

My thought was cut off.

"I made you this food, so you're gonna sit down and eat it."

I raise my eyebrows, "Yeah, okay, okay."

"What's your deal?" Andre asks, eating his breakfast like it was the last meal on earth.

"Nothing, I just don't wanna go."

"Why?"

"Why would anyone wanna go to school?"

"It's our last first day of school, Indy. We're fucking seniors now, I feel like I've been waiting for this day my whole life," Andre explains as my mother scolds him, "Dre, you better watch that language."

"We're _freaking_ seniors now."

I chuckle, "I don't know. A lot just changed, that's all."

"Mhm, _a lot."_

I roll my eyes.

After (what seemed like) a long breakfast, I grabbed my skateboard, my backpack, and my wallet.

"Let Dre take you to school, Indy. I don't want you skating this early," My mom says just as I was about to open the door. Man, she's just testing me this morning. It's not even like I'm in a bad mood, either.

"No, it's cool. It's not even far."

"Indigo, just—"

"Mom, I'm fine!" I shout and walk out the door, which I'll probably have to pay for later. Andre and my mom standing there, staring at the slammed shut door.

"What is wrong with her?" She asks my brother.

"I don't know, maybe she's on her period or something."

***

"Yo, what's up, girl? _First_ last day of school," Fezco says, dapping me up from behind the register.

"I know, I'm glad I will never have to wake up at the ass crack of dawn ever again after this year," I say, walking towards the drinks.

"You nervous?"

"I shouldn't be, but I am."

I grab a Red Bull out of the fridge.

"You nervous 'bout school or-?"

"About Rue and I. She wants us to be like, an open couple and I just don't wanna hear all the shit I'm gonna get from everyone."

"Bruh, don't even worry about McKay, cause I know that's what's bothering you. You like being with Rue, right?"

"Yeah, obviously. She's literally the best thing that's ever happened to me."

I pop open the can, smelling the sweet aroma of energy drinks in the morning.

"So, that's all that matters. Don't give a shit about what other people say, man."

I look at him, raising my eyebrows, "You know Fez, you're right. I am in love with Rue Bennett and I want the whole _fucking_ world to know it."

Fezco gives a dopey smile.

"Well, lucky for you, I'm in love with you, too, and I also want the whole fucking world to know," Rue, who seemed to have appeared from thin air says.

I almost choked on my drink, "Holy shit! You scared me."

My face turns a deep shade of pink as she walks closer to us.

"Hey, guys," She says, throwing her hand up in a little wave.

"Hi, Rue Rue. I have an idea; we should ditch," I immediately say, giving her a kiss.

"We should! That's like, great idea. We can like, go get high somewhere," Rue says as she waves her dab pen around.

"Yes! Please, omg, we should totally do that," I agree.

"As an adult figure, I'm making your asses go to school," Fezco says, lighting up his blunt.

"Come on, Fez. Don't be a such a party pooper."

"I'll call your guy's moms if you don't get your asses to that school."

I squint at him, "You motherfucker..."

Rue also squints at him, "You see, this is why I steal from your ass."

***

Our school. The terrible Los Angeles public school. Smells like shit. Looks like shit. It's just pure shit.

The bell immediately rang as soon as we stepped inside the building. Students flooded through the hallways going to their first class of the year. Rue grabbed my hand and we walked down the hallway to our first class.

Our first period is the dreaded AP Statistics, which I happened to have almost every kid you could ever think of in it.

McKay, Nate, Maddie, Cassie, Daniel— all the _"popular"_ kids.

I'm friends with them, but they can get super annoying sometimes. They're very loud and can be obnoxious sometimes.

I guess I just hope I sit by Rue.

***

"Welcome to AP Statistics, class. Your names are on the board in the assigned seat, that you will remain in for the rest of the year," Mrs. Greene said, our teacher explained as the kids flooded into the classroom.

I look onto the board and I don't know _what_ I did in my life to have this happen to me.

Was it being an asshole to Dre and Mom this morning? Having the idea to ditch?

Rue, she sits in the middle of Cassie and Kat, and I? I sit between McKay and Nate motherfucking Jacobs.

I frown at Rue and she gives me an "it's gonna be okay" smile.

"Sup, Indy?" McKay says as I sit down next to him, groaning audibly, so he knows I don't wanna be there.

"Hi," I say, placing my backpack on the ground; Nate then sits down, daps up McKay, and says, "Damn, that's tough," When he realizes we were all sitting together.

Kat and Cassie talk over Rue's desk as she just sits there in silence. We stare at each other, as if we could communicate by eye contact.

I wish we could.

"I love you," She mouths, pouting her lips. I wink at her and mouth it back.

We both were pretty miserable already and the day hasn't even started yet.

About ten minutes pass by and Mrs. Greene explains the syllabus. I'm so close to just sleeping, Rue was; her head was down on the desk and she was pretty much passed out.

"So, what, you're dating a girl now?" Nate whispers, being the nosy ass he is.

"Yes."

"Dude, she's fucking dating Rue," McKay butts in.

"Rue? As in Rue, the one who's fucking addicted to drugs?" Nate laughs as I nod my head, "The one fucking sitting over there? Damn, McKay... she left you for a girl!"

Nate was laughing and mocking it, like it was some joke.

"Shut the fuck up," McKay says back.

"Indigo, was he like, not good in bed or something? You left him for fucking pussy."

"It doesn't even concern you, Nate. Just leave it alone."

"Whatever. It's just funny how McKay's girlfriend turned into a lesbian, tells you a lot, huh?"

McKay gets furious, he slams his hands into the desk, "Nate, man, shut up!"

Causing all eyes to be drawn on us.

I really wish I wasn't sober right now.

Rue's head jolts up, looks at me, and raises her eyebrows. I shake my head and sigh.

"Is there a problem, Christopher?" Mrs. Greene asks as Nate just sits there and chuckles.

"No, ma'am. Sorry," He apologizes.

It was safe to say it's gonna be one long senior year.

***

"What the fuck happened back there?" Rue asks as soon as we leave the classroom.

"Nate was being an asshole."

"What'd he say?"

"Nothing, he was just talking mad shit."

"No, tell me. I'll fuck him up!" Rue threatens, making her hands into fists, pretending to punch me.

I laugh, "Okay. Sure, I'd love to see that. He was just teasing McKay about me. This is why I like girls, boys are just fucking douchebags."

Rue holds my hand, places a soft kiss on it, "Exactly. I mean, I was asleep for like, that entire class. I had this dream that we were in New York City, in some shitty apartment, but it was nice to us. We lived together, and it was perfect."

"Awww, that sounds perfect. I wish we could move like, right now," I sigh.

"I would fucking kill to live anywhere but here... I fucking hate this town..." Rue says, followed by a chuckle.

"Yep, me, too. If I could, I'd burn it to the fucking ground."

***

Lunch rolls around and Rue and I are walking in the halls on the way to the cafeteria.

"Yo, you can suck fucking dick!" McKay yells at me as soon as he sees us. My grip tightens on Rue's hand and she looks at me, scared.

"Damn, what fuck is your problem?!" I ask, and as soon as the students heard yelling, they formed an audience around the three of us.

"You fucking ruin everything! Everyone's making fun of me now, thanks to you and Rue!"

"For fucks sake, just get over it," Rue says, scoffing at him.

"Yeah, don't be jealous, you fucking adshole!" I add.

McKay chuckles, "Just get over it? Why don't you just OD again? Maybe, Indigo can _sell_ you some drugs."

It becomes completely silent. Rue starts to shake, she was having an anxiety attack... I tell her to breathe and she backs into the lockers. That was it. He did _not_ just fucking go there.

My hand immediately lets go of Rue's hand and immediately; I punch him with _all_ the power in me, right across his face.

"Fuck you! Don't you fucking dare talk to my girlfriend like that, you fucking asshole! Fuck you!"

He grabs onto his face, his nose was bleeding. I look at my knuckles and they stung really bad.

"No, fuck you! You're the whole reason this bullshit started! You think cause your some _dyke_ now, that you're fucking cool now, huh?!"

"Bullshit! You fucking pussy, move on!" I scream, "All you did was just use me for sex! You didn't even like me, McKay! You liked my body!"

McKay almost _lunges, attacks_ at Rue and I before security came.

"Hey, hey! What's going on here?" The security guard asked, everyone scurrying out of the halls.

"She assaulted me!"

"Bullshit, she didn't!" Rue yells at him, "You fucking started it, you piece of shit!"

I loved how she stood up for me, even though she really shouldn't have.

"All of you, principal's office, _now_."

The three of us do the Walk of Shame to the principals. Rue and I scold McKay the whole way there.

***

After waiting and a long conversation with our principal, it was decided that Rue and I are suspended for the rest of the week. We have no word on McKay yet, but I'm guessing he did, too.

It was the first day of school and I was already suspended.

And you know, I was pretty content with it. It's what I deserved, I guess, until the principal said, "Miss Autry, you need to call your mother to come pick you up and explain what happened."

It was at that moment, I knew I fucked up.


	6. FOREVER

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> indigo gets in skateboard accident and rue is there by her side. (or, by her hospital bed)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry, i started school so my writing game has been a little delays lol. i'll try to update as frequently as possible tho!

"Hi, mom," I say on the phone, "Can you, uh, pick me up from school?"

She asks why, of course.

Consider me dead. But, whenever you hesitate, things just turn out bad; in skateboarding and in times like these. You just gotta do it, or in my case, _say it._

"I got in a fight," I mumble softly, "... Punched someone."

"You what?!" My mother shouts so loud over the phone, our principal hears it.

"I punched someone, but don't freak out-"

My mom hangs up on me, mid sentence, and the next thing I know, she's dragging me out of the school, passing Rue and McKay... who were sitting outside the office.

As soon as we get in her car, she's immediately grilling me. She's that type that's quick to assume, you know? The type that doesn't even want to hear your side of the story.

"Indigo Maree Autry, how dare you! What the hell did you do?! Are you suspended?!"

She always assumes it's my fault.

"I, uh, punched someone, in self defense. They said something about Rue! I couldn't help it!" I shout as the car starts, "... And I'm suspended for a week."

"I can't believe this. You're grounded, Indigo. No going to Fezco's. Rue is not coming over, and a _bsolutely_ no going to the skate park."

My heart sank. I understand Rue not coming over and me not going to Fezco's, but the skate park? Really? She's _really_ gonna do that to me?

The one thing that keeps me sane and she's taking it away from me.

"Mom, come on! You can't take the _skate park_ away from me! That's absurd."

"Why can't I? I just did."

"Mom, it's a hobby! It's literally something I do for fun!"

"It's a boy hobby. I'm not gonna argue with you..." She pauses, "What'd this person say to make you punch them, anyways?"

Well, I wasn't gonna tell her that.

"Nothing, it, it doesn't matter. Whatever," I say, putting in my earbuds and accepting the fact that my life is about to me living hell for the rest of the week.

***

It was late, and I was pouting in my room, watching my favorite anime. I'm pissed at my mother because she has no right to tell me that I can't go skate! It's totally unfair. Skating is just like watching TV, it's not anything social, it's literally just a hobby, like I told her.

Well, she does have the right, cause she's my mom, but that's not the point.

I just plan on giving her the silent treatment until she finally comes to her senses.

**Rue Bennett 10:23pm**   
_Hey you okay? Sorry my mom was screaming at me all day lol._

**Indigo Autry 10:24pm**   
_damn. i'm fine just annoyed_

**Rue Bennett 3:24pm**   
_They suspended me for a week, can you believe that shit? I was probably gonna skip anyways but still_

**Indigo Autry 10:25pm**   
_that's so dumb. me too AND i'm grounded for the rest of the week._

**Rue Bennett 10:25pm**   
_... They didn't suspend McKay tho_

My hands tightly gripped my phone. What the hell?

I only punched him because he provoked me! The whole thing is his fault, yet _we're_ the ones being blamed for it.

**Indigo Autry 10:26pm**   
_that's fucking bullshit. the whole thing is his fault!_

**Rue Bennett 10:26pm**   
_Ik. It's fucking stupid, I'll meet u at the park later?_

**Indigo Autry 10:27pm**   
_i'm not allowed to leave the house according to my mom. sucks ass. idk how I'm gonna live_

**Rue Bennett 10:27pm**   
_Lmao just sneak out later tonight. That's what I do._

She made a really good point with that one. My mom goes to bed really late, but she's usually always occupied doing something. Whether it's work or bothering Dre. She doesn't ever check on me.

But, to my advantage, my window doesn't even have a screen in it. It's like the perfect escape route.

**Indigo Autry 10:30pm**   
_meet u at like 2am? that's when ik for sure my mom is asleep lol_

**Rue Bennett 10:31pm**   
_See u then <3_

***

I decided to sneak out early, because I love Rue's company and all, but she can distract me from actually skating. Now, that's not a bad thing, I just want some time alone first.

Let my anger out.

What if my mom comes in to check on me? Not that she ever does that, I'm just being hella paranoid. I took some pillows and stuffed them underneath yo covers to make it look like there was someone under there.

Then, lifted up with window and climbed out of it. Thank god for one level houses.

It's cold in Los Angeles during night, like nice sweatshirt and sweatpants weather. I love it, especially when I'm skating; the cold breeze hitting me.

The skate park was closed, so I snuck in through hole in the chain link gate, that looks like it was literally made for sneaking in.

It was completely empty, and that's what I like about going late. Usually, afternoons are filled with sweaty teen boys and men that think they dominate this park.

I started warming up, skating and tic tacking my board, doing ollies and kick flips (which I was getting quite good at) and it's relaxing. I have my earbuds in, playing Clairo's "Heaven."

All of my favorite songs remind me of Rue. Every lyric relates to her. Relates to us. She even made us a special playlist, for when we're together.

She named it "rindigo's soundtrack," which I totally thought she misspelled my name until I realize it my Rue and Indigo mixed together.

I listen to it all the time.

Everything was good, until I decided I wanted to try a heel flip; which isn't exactly the _easiest_ flip out there.

Basically, kicking my foot and flicking the board 360 degrees, and somehow landing back on the board. Very technical, very dangerous.

No one was here to make fun of me, so I decided to just say fuck it, and try it.

What's the worse that could happen?

Your front foot missing the board completely, making the board slide from underneath of you, causing you to land on your arm and your head— Becuase you don't wear a helmet, or anything that protects you for that matter.

I laid there in excruciating pain; my arm has a tingling feeling and I started to spin. My phone was by my bag, across the entire park, and when I try to get up, all I feel is pain in the left side of my rib cage.

The next thing I know, everything went black.

***

The foul sound of the heart rate monitor beeps over and over and over. My eyes flutter awake, to see Rue, my mother, and Andre; all sleeping in the chairs around the hospital bed I was laying in.

I look around to see and a purple cast on my left arm— My first instinct was to cry, and that's exactly what I did.

My arm is broken, fractured, I don't even know what it is; but I know it means no skating for God knows how long, and that's the only thing keeping me sane around here.

My head also hurt like a motherfucker.

In all honesty, I'm really just not doing well. Obviously, I'm laying in a hospital with no recollection of why.

"Indy?" Rue says so softly that I could barely hear her.

"Rue Rue, what happened?"

She rubs her eyes, looks up, and immediately smiles, "Oh my god, you're awake, hi..."

"Why am I here? Why is my arm in a cast?"

"You had a skateboarding accident."

"Huh?"

You see, I'm no Tony Hawk, but I don't fall often. I fall once, every blue moon, but it rarely ever happens.

"I... I went to the park, and you were laying there, unconscious... I freaked out and called 911, who called your mom, and now, uh, we're here."

"Rue, I'm so sorry... I can't believe I put you through that," I apologize. It was my fault, and I couldn't _imagine_ how stressed out she must've been.

"No, no, it's my fault. I told you to sneak out to go, I'm sorry, Indigo, for real. I'm sorry you got hurt," She grips onto my hand, her thumb brushing over my fingers gently.

I give her a smile, "Don't worry about it, I'm fine."

"You broke your arm, have a concussion, and two broken ribs."

My eyes widen, "My ribs are broken?!"

Explains the shortness of breath and side pain I'm having. I just figured maybe I smoked a little too much.

"Yeah... I freaked out about that too, actually everyone freaked out. I'm gonna warn you, your mom, is uh, really pissed at you."

I groan, "Fuck. I mean, when is she not," I chuckle, "I'm glad you're here, Rue, really."

"You're my girlfriend. I would never leave you in a situation like this."

I blush. Really, really hard. I look around the room, and realize something. My face drops.

"Rue, where's my bag?"

The bag, the Fanny pack with all my fucking drugs in it. The bag that has the potential to literally ruin my life.

"I have it, don't worry. Your drugs are safe with me," She whispers.

Are they safe with her, though?

I love Rue, but she's a girl who's trying to get clean. I don't know if a bag of drugs is safe with her in this case. But, I appreciate her taking it.

"Oh, okay. Thank you. That would be really bad if it got into the wrong hands."

"Yeah, no problem."

I'm still pretty suspicious. I donut wanna jump to conclusions, but for some reason I just don't trust her with that damn bag.

***

I talk with Rue, who's by my side, only to be startled by my mother screaming.

"Indigo?! Honey, what were you thinking? Sneaking out at 12 in the morning to skate? After I told you no?!"

God, I'm broken, literally, and the first thing she does when she wakes up is yell at me. I feel so loved.

"Mom, stop. Give her a break," Andre says in a tired voice, her voice must've woke him up.

"It's not like I'll be skating any time soon..." I say to her, glancing at that stupid fucking purple cast. I yawn, maybe I should just get some rest, I wasn't in the mood to talk to her right now.

***

I fall back asleep and wake up to a doctor _hovering_ over me. I place my hand on my face, rubbing my temples. My head had it's own heartbeat.

"How are you feeling, Indigo?" The doctor asks.

"On like a pain scale of one to ten?"

"Sure."

"Eleven," I sigh, glancing over at Rue, who was knocked out, her head was leaning on Andre's shoulder, who was also asleep.

"I gave you some morphine earlier for the broken ribs, and some painkillers for your arm and head. We're gonna keep you hear one more night... You should be ready to go home tomorrow, if everything checks out."

I sigh once again, "Oh... okay. This may sound silly, but, when do you think I can skate again?"

I'm aiming for two weeks max. Please, let it be two weeks or shorter.

"Indigo, you sustained some _serious_ injuries... I would say roughly a month or two before you can even _think_ about skateboarding."

One to two months? Seriously?

"It's okay, in the mean time, you should get some more rest," My doctor says as he injects something into my IV bag, which I'm guessing is gonna make me sleep.

***

"So, you and Indigo... You're the girlfriend I always hear about, huh?" Andre whispers to Rue, not wanting my mother to hear.

She nods her head.

"Isn't she fucking annoying? Always talking 'bout that goddamn skateboard," He asks, trying to cheer her up, because this made her feel a little bit shitty.

"Hey, be nice. She's absolutely perfect," She whispers back, "I just wish she would be more open about it..."

"I heard what happened at school, shit sucks."

"It's like she doesn't want anyone to know we're dating, if that makes sense."

"No, I can guarantee you it's because she doesn't want our mom to find out."

"Oh, right. I forgot your mom is like..." Andre finishes her sentence for her, "A homophobe?" She chuckles and nods her head.

"I just really like her, man."

"She really likes you, too, Rue, trust me. You're the topic of literally every conversation we have."

"Really?"

_"Really."_

***

Suddenly, it's night again. It's like all my days are slowly collapsing together.

My family (and Rue) already checked in with the doctors, ate dinner, and are asleep— again.

I have never slept so much in my entire life.

But, I guess this is a good way for Rue to bond with my family more. So, in a way I'm kinda thankful that they're forced to be in the same room.

I check the clock; it's 4:00am. I hear Rue groan softly as she shifts in her chair.

"Rue Rue..." I whisper as she looks over at me, "I can't sleep..."

She moves her chair (quietly) by my bed, sitting right next to me. I hold her hand as she rests her head down on the thin hospital mattress.

"I feel like we haven't talked in forever," I say softly, "I'm surprised you're still here. my family is annoying."

"Please, I wouldn't wanna be anywhere else."

I grin, "What have you been doing this whole day? You must be so bored."

"I talked to your mom, had to convince her that we're _' really good best friends,'_ and I talked to Andre. He's pretty funny, I don't know why you always complain about him all the time."

"Cause your ass ain't livin with him," I chuckle.

"Oh, and I stole some Jello and a pack of cozy socks from one of the carts in the hallway."

"Rue, no you didn't!" I gasped.

"It was good, it was cherry. And the socks?" She plops her foot up on my bed, "Definitely a 10/10."

"You loser..."

"Hey, I'm your loser."

"I know... come here," I plead, puckering up my lips.

Rue sits up in her seat to get closer to a _crippled_ me, I lean up slightly to press my lips against hers; it felt like it had been forever since I felt her lips on mine. I place my right hand (the non-broken one) on her cheek, to pull her in closer...

_"What the hell?!"_

Andre wakes up, to see me shell shocked, hand still on Rue's cheek, my mother _staring_ at us like she just saw the devil himself.

"Oh, fuck..."


End file.
